Many, many years ago, a work friend of mine strolled up to me, smiled wider than usual and said, “So, have you heard about Viagra?”
“Viagra who?” I asked.
“Viagra is not a who, stupid. It’s a what!”
“Oh,” I said, sure that I had never heard the word before. “Okay, I’ll bite. So, what is it?”
“It’s a brand-new drug that cures male impotence,” he said with emphasis. “They’re saying it’s just like a magic bullet. No more vacuum pumps, shots, implants, none of that stuff. All you have to do now is pop a pill.”
“Really?” I said, wondering if maybe he was trying to tell me something.
“Here,” he said, handing me a copy of Time magazine. “There’s a big article in there all about it. Guys our age really need to read it. And feel free to give it to someone else who might be in need when you’re done.”
“Thanks,” I said, not knowing exactly what else to say.
Later that evening, when I got home from work and had some time to thumb through the magazine, I discovered that Viagra really is a brand-new drug that is proving to be 60-80 percent effective at curing most forms of male impotence. It has only been on the market for a few months, but apparently it’s already the best-selling new drug to come along since Prozac. Would-be patients have been besieging urologists’ offices and sex clinics and paying between $8 and $12 a pill for a prescription.
I decided I better read the section entitled `The Downside of Viagra’, which began with the words, “Viagra may help millions of men, and even some women, but it is not a sexual cure-all. It is not an aphrodisiac; it will not work in the absence of desire. In fact, there are some risks involved in taking Viagra that everyone should consider before rushing to the pharmacy: One out of ten men in the clinical trials developed blinding headaches that grew more severe at higher doses; Another 3 percent of users develop temporary vision problems, ranging from blurred vision to almost total blindness. Viagra can also trigger sudden drops in blood pressure; Some men may develop priapism (defined as four or more continuous hours of arousal). There may be more heart attacks too, and men with coronary problems who have not had sex for many years should consult their doctors before putting too much strain on their hearts; and some men may even become psychologically dependent on the drug.
“What are you reading?” asked my wife as she suddenly sat down on the couch next to me.
“Oh, nothing,” I blurted out.
“Where did you get a Time magazine?”
“Oh, from a work friend,” I said.
“And why did you close it when I sat down?”
“Well, it’s just that, well, you know, I was kinda reading this silly article, and, well, it’s about this new drug for men, and well, it’s called…”
“You mean Viagra?” she interrupted me.
“Yeah,” I said with surprise. “You’ve heard about it?”
“Of course. Everyone at work is talking about it.”
“Really? You’ve heard about Viagra? Well, what do you think? I mean, women must be pretty excited about this new drug too, right?”
“Not really,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“I think women will get excited when they finally discover a magic drug that will make our husbands want to take us out to dinner and the theater.”