A long time ago, when my daughter was only 17-years old or so, she suddenly looked at me with the saddest blue eyes and said, “He turned out to be a real creep, Dad!”
“Who turned out to be a creep?” I asked with concern.
“My boyfriend.”
“But I kind of liked that one,” I said, recalling that the young man was very polite and even wanted to be a writer someday. “Well,” I continued, “I guess you can’t expect too much from someone who loves the Los Angeles Dodgers.”
“This isn’t funny, Dad. I broke up with him for good tonight.”
“I really wouldn’t take it too seriously, Honey. Remember, there’s always another guy out there. In fact, at last count, I think the number was something like a few hundred million.”
“But I honestly cared about this one,” said my daughter with sincerity. “He had a lot of qualities that I really liked and respected.”
“Then that makes you one of the lucky ones.”
“Well, all I know is that I sure don’t feel very lucky tonight. It all turned out to be one big waste of time.”
“But I don’t think that’s true at all,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, a famous philosopher once said that when it comes to relationships, `The goal is to meet, love, and disappoint only exceptional beings.’ And I think to the degree that we do that, we always end up ahead of the game.”
“You’re probably going to have to explain that a little better, dad.”
“The sad truth about relationships, Carrie, is that sooner or later, they all have to end. Even those few individuals who are lucky enough to bump into the perfect partner have to call it a life sooner or later. So, the goal should always be to meet, love, and disappoint only exceptional beings.”
“But why is disappoint in there?”
“Because no matter how hard we try, we always end up disappointing – and being disappointed by – those we love. Others never meet all of our needs, nor do we meet all of theirs. But if we spend as much of our time on this earth as possible hanging out with really good people, then when those disappointments come, our days and nights together will not have been wasted.”
“So, describe one of these exceptional beings to me.”
“Sure. Among many other things, he or she is kind, compassionate, empathic, forgiving, never deliberately cruel, humble, as honest as possible, tolerant, appreciative of the life they’ve been given and determined to make a contribution to a better world, they usually adore children, are always capable of seeing the humor in things, and they’re charitable, color-blind, good listeners, and they usually have nice-looking feet.”
“Nice-looking feet?” my daughter asked with a smile.
“I just threw that one in there – it’s a personal preference of mine.”
“And how will I know if I’m hanging out with a non-exceptional human being?”
“Oh, that’s simple. They’re very easy to spot and it’s really important to get them all the way out of your life as soon as possible. And they’re usually mean-spirited, lazy, prone to violence, selfish, enjoy hurting others with words or deeds, use cuss words in place of adjectives, take drugs or drink too much, are always feeling sorry for themselves, are self-absorbed and absolutely sure that only they have all the right on their side, convinced that life owes them more than they’ve received.”
“I don’t know, Dad. Sometimes I think I would be better off if I just avoided relationships altogether.”
“But meaningful relationships are all that really matter in this life,” I tried to explain. “Everything else is actually just a complicated smoke screen. People may try to tell you different, but they’re just kidding themselves. Those in pursuit of money and power think that’s going to be the answer. Workaholics chasing success are sure they’ve got it right. People with gorgeous bodies or faces are convinced they’re the lucky ones. People living in beautiful homes will tell you it’s about houses. Guys driving fancy vehicles think its cars, and women in expensive outfits think its clothes. The deception goes on and on. But the truth is that without meaningful relationships, life loses its real purpose.”
“So, you’re saying that time spent loving an exceptional person is always time that was well-used, no matter how things turn out, and when I look back on it, it’ll be a good memory?”
“Exactly!”
And if you’re really lucky, I wanted to add, someday you’ll get to spend as much time as the gods will permit with the exceptional being of your dreams, who will constantly make you want to say to him or her, “I love you not only for who you are, but for what I am when I am with you.”