I will no longer spend half-an-hour every morning trying to wake up my teenage sons, so they won’t be late getting to school. If they want to spend all night playing video games and grow up to be as dumb as trees, so be it.
I will stop pretending that if you eat something sweet and yummy and no one sees you do it, that it has no calories.
I won’t go to anymore high school reunions. I mean, how many times should I be expected to smile and say hi to people who used to make my life miserable?
I’m going to try and do a better job of remembering that, “If there is any kindness I can do, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.”
I will stop suffering fools gladly, even if I’m related to them.
I will start wearing comfortable cords again, if I can only find a store that still sells them.
I’m not going to insist on my kids knowing what they want to be when they grow up until I have a better handle on that whole thing myself.
I will stop making such an effort to save money, the idea being that it will give the kids one less thing to fight about in the future.
I will break down and purchase a second pair of glasses. It’s ridiculous to spend more time trying to remember where I left the darn things than I do using them.
When one or more of my kids come home with yet another broken heart, I’m going to remind them of something Nicholas Cage said to Cher in the wonderful movie Moonstruck, that “We are not perfect. The stars and the snowflakes are perfect. We are human, and we are here to make mistakes, to break our hearts, and to love all the wrong people.”
I’m going to pay more attention to fads. I read somewhere that my daughter decided to start practicing celibacy and really get into housework, and those are the kinds of trends a guy should be aware of.
I will try to find a way to wash my dog that ends up with him being wetter than me.
I’m going to try and become a much better speller. I mean, there’s simply no excuse for getting words like Lebanese and lesbian all mixed up.
I’m going to give up on trying to appreciate rap music and just admit that my musical taste begins and ends with Bob Dylan.
Instead of making any grand plans or reflecting too much on the past and all those things I can’t change, I think I’ll just try to spend more time reminding myself that it’s all free time.
And finally, I’m going to stop complaining about the fact that the world is never fair or just, and just deal with it.