A friend of mine who apparently thinks I am interested in such things recently emailed me an article about how research scientists at Duke University have found out that it’s really not true that men think about sex every seven seconds of every single waking day. The article was penned by a lady named Laura Berman, who is a PhD and sex and relationship educator and therapist (how come when I went to college you could only major in really boring stuff like history and math?). Anyway, according to Dr. Berman, men thinking about sex every seven seconds of every single day is just an old urban legend that has been widely accepted and repeated over the years but has no basis whatsoever in fact.
The Duke University study involved 200 men and 200 women who were surveyed about their sexual thought patterns and then given a month to keep track of how often they actually thought about sex to see if what they believed to be true actually was true. What the researchers found was that both the men and the women in their study had over-stated the frequency of how often they think about sex in their original survey. They also found that a person’s mood is actually the key component in how often men and women think about sex, with the frequency going down if a person is angry or sad, and up if they are happy and at peace with the world.
Apparently not wanting to be outdone by Duke University, an Ohio State University study on more or less the same topic got even more specific and determined from their study of questionnaires that men actually think about sex 19 times a day, and that women aren’t all that far behind them at 10 times a day. That study also found that how often a person thinks about sex has a lot to do with “one’s own sexual belief system”, meaning that people who have feelings of anxiety, shame or guilt about their sexuality are much less likely to think about sex than those who are “comfortable and secure” in that area of their life.
So, after having read the rather lengthy story my friend had emailed me, I decided to give him a call to see why he had sent it to me, and our conversation went a little something like this:
“And your point is?” I asked my friend.
“What point?” he said.
“You sent me an article about men not really thinking about sex every seven seconds, remember?”
“Oh, that,” he said. I just have always hated women telling me that men think about nothing but sex when it’s simply not true. And not only do I not think about it every seven seconds, I don’t even think about it 19 times a day like that one study said. And I just thought that maybe you might be able to write a column about the fact that we men have lots of other stuff on our minds other than sex.”
“Well,” I said, “as you know I have to be pretty careful about what I say when it comes to a topic like sex. To give you just one example, years ago I wrote a column I entitled `Is the woman in your life moist enough?’ which was just about how most women are fanatical about covering their bodies with lotions and potions of one sort or another day and night, and I got into quite a bit of trouble just because of the title I used.”
“So,” my friend said, “You’re saying that you think just setting the record straight – that men don’t really think that much more about sex any more than women do – would get you into trouble or something?”
“No,” I tried to explain, “it’s not just that, because that would be a pretty simple point to make, but when you have a thousand words to come up with every week, and when the topic has something to do with sex, then knowing me, I am bound to stray off the reservation so-to-speak and say something inappropriate. Plus, to tell you the truth, I’m not all that sure I totally agree with the way those studies turned out.”
“What do you mean?” my friend asked with interest.
“Well, just between you and me, I’ve had days when I think I could have easily qualified for that every seven seconds thing.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Oh, sure.” I said. “And I bet lots of other people have, too. In fact, there’s a part of me that thinks if you took sex out of the world tomorrow morning, not all that many people would be all that interested in getting out of bed and starting their day. Plus, the only real problem I can see with a man thinking about sex every seven seconds is if his wife or girlfriend are doing the same thing. I mean, nothing would ever get done!”