A very nice lady came into the office the other day to do a name change, which has to be filed with the court and then published four times in a newspaper before it can become legal, and while I was helping her with her paperwork, she suddenly asked, “What sign are you?”
“I’m a Leo,” I answered, and the smile on her face slowly disappeared.
“Well,” she finally said, “a Leo is fun to do things with, but you certainly wouldn’t want to get serious and marry one of them.”
Anyway, after I gave the lady her receipt for doing business with us, I found myself thinking back to the following conversation, which I wrote about more than a decade ago:
“Hey, Mary,” I called out to my wife, “what’s your sign?”
“I’m busy,” she yelled back from our youngest son’s bedroom, “what did you say?”
“I said I need to know your astrological sign.”
A minute or two later, with her arms full of dirty socks, shirts and pants, she emerged from our son’s room, strolled over to where I was sitting and said, “Did I hear you right? You want to know what sign I am?”
“That’s right.”
“But why?” she asked.
“Come on, just tell me what your sign is, okay?”
“Not until you tell me why.”
“Well,” I said, “if you have to know, I’m trying to find out if we are astrologically compatible.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, no I’m not.”
“And just how do you plan on doing that?”
“By looking up our signs in this here book,” I explained, holding up Linda Goodman’s best seller, Love Signs.
“Now where did you get that?” she asked, putting down the dirty laundry.
“One of your daughter’s friends gave it to her to read. I’m just borrowing it for a few minutes.”
“But you don’t really believe in all that stuff, do you?”
“I sure know a lot of people who do,” I said.
“But just the fact that you and your twin sister are so totally different, even though you were born only a few minutes apart, shouldn’t that tell you all you need to know about astrology?”
After I had finally talked my wife into admitting that she is a Libra, I quickly turned to a little section of the book entitled, `The Leo-Libra Friendship’ and began to read; “Now it says here, and I quote, that `a Leo and Libra relationship can achieve almost anything, from a successful love affair or marriage to a sound friendship or business deal. Their elements are air and fire, and when the former fans the latter into a brighter torch, both benefit.”
“Is that so?” asked my wife.
“It even says that Leos and Libras make great soul mates because we are good at consistently practicing tolerance and forgiveness, and that the magic we can create is all-powerful and indestructible. The bond can be weakened but never separated permanently.”
“Well,” said my wife, eager to get back to her chores, “it sounds like everything is okay right?”
“But wait a minute, listen to this,” I said. “It also says that Libras can be argumentative, manipulative, and control freaks.”
“It does, does it?”
“You do like to argue,” I said, “and to also be in charge of things.”
“What does that stupid book say about Leos?”
“Well, I haven’t gotten to that part yet,” I lied.
“Here,” she said, “making a lunge towards the book, “let me help you find it.”
“That’s okay,” I said, securing the book, “I can locate it. In fact, here it is! It’s called the `Checklist of Leo Traits’.”
“So, what does it say?”
“Well,” I said, trying to buy myself a few seconds to do a little quick editing, “it says here that Leos, among many other things of course, are regal, warm, creative, childlike, trusting, magnanimous, romantic, and really great lovers.”
“Give me that book!” said my wife, grabbing it out of my hand.
“Okay,” I said after trying unsuccessfully to get the book back, “so maybe I did make up that last one about being a great lover.”
“And it would appear that you left out a few other things, too!” she said. “Let’s see, it also says here that Leos are gossipy, self-promoting, demanding, big spenders, authoritative, opinionated, brash, proud, complacent, self-indulgent, lax, vain, self-conscious, insensitive and in need of a fan club. Now, does that sound like anyone we know?”
“But don’t you think it’s nice to know that we’re astrologically compatible?” I asked, attempting to change the subject.
“I already knew that, Daryl. We have four kids!”