A longtime friend of mine saw me on my walk the other day and couldn’t wait to track me down and tell me all about something really funny that she had just read about on Facebook.
“It’s a little raunchy,” she warned me, “but that’s right up your alley. You want me to tell you all about it?”
“No.”
“So,” said my friend, already smiling “this recently divorced lady with young kids decided it was about time for her to stop moping around the house and start doing some dating. So, she joined one of those social networking sites and soon had a date all lined up for a Friday night. So, she gets off of work a little early, comes home, fixes dinner, plays with the kids, makes sure the babysitter is going to be there on time, and then goes into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for her big going-to-the-movies date.”
“What’s funny about that?” I asked.
“Well, while taking her shower she quickly realizes that she has kind of let her body get out-of-hand, so to speak.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, parts of her body had become completely over-run with unwanted hair.”
“Oh, I see,” I said, reluctantly returning her smile.
“So, she goes into her medicine cabinet and pulls out this waxing kit that she had purchased ages ago when she was still married. It’s one of those cold wax ones, you know, the kind that you just rub the strips together in your hands until you get them warmed up. Then you pull the strips apart, apply them to your legs or wherever, and the hair is supposed to come right off. It’s also supposed to be really easy to do, even if you’re not very courageous about such things. But she gets the bright idea of using her hairdryer to heat up the strips, which is when things start going downhill. Anyway, although what she really wants to do is wax her bikini line, she wisely decides to try one of the much too hot strips on her leg first. Although the added heat and pulling off the strip turned out to be a pretty painful process, she decided to suck it up and move on up north.”
“But why would she need to wax her bikini line if she was just going on a first date to the movies?” I asked naively.
“Trust me, Daryl, women just feel better about themselves if they’re prepared for every possibility and not all covered in unwanted hair.”
“I see.”
“Anyway, she checked on the kids, made sure she had plenty of time left before the babysitter and her date were scheduled to arrive, and then hurried back into the bathroom. She took off her robe, placed one foot up on the toilet seat, and then bravely applied a wax strip across the right-hand side of her bikini line, covering the whole right-half of her hoo-ha. Then she inhaled deeply, held her breath, and ripped it off.”
“Then what happened?” I asked with interest.
“She went blind.”
“Blind?”
“Blind with pain! She didn’t scream, though, not wanting to frighten her children. But once her vision returned, she realized she had only pulled off half the strip, so she had to woman-up again and rip the other half off. Thinking she might pass out but knowing that she was only half-done with getting her bikini line just the way she wanted it, she reluctantly decided to apply another strip to cover the left side of her bikini line. But in the process her foot accidentally slipped off the toilet seat and she ended up with the new wax strip covering up most of the business end of her butt. She can’t get it off, so she ends up thinking a hot bath will help, only to have her butt cemented to the bottom of her porcelain tub. Thankfully her cell phone was nearby, and she was able to call a friend who told her there should be some lotion in the wax kit box for just such emergencies.”
“You mean things like this happens to women all the time?”
“Oh, Daryl, if you only knew what women have to go through just to please our men!”